How to develop your child's self-esteem
Self-esteem refers to a person's sense of self-worth or self-image, and is an individual's overall evaluation of oneself. People with high self-esteem have a good sense of self-worth and a positive self-image, and people with low self-esteem have a low sense of self-worth and a negative self-image. Self-esteem plays an important role in children's growth and is the inner driving force for children's self-improvement. A child with high self-esteem is full of confidence in his own ability and value, can face learning and life positively and optimistically, and experience the joy of success more. On the contrary, a child with low self-esteem always tends to deny his own ability and value, lacks positive motivation, and is prone to emotional experience of inferiority, helplessness and anxiety, which brings many negative effects on physical and mental development.
Children's self-esteem is gradually built up in daily life, and parents' attitudes and ways of treating children have an important impact on the formation of children's self-esteem. Therefore, in family education, on the one hand, parents should understand and respect children, carefully care for their tender and sensitive minds, and protect their self-esteem so that they will not be hurt; on the other hand, parents should take appropriate educational methods to gradually cultivate Children's self-esteem.
First, parents must accept their children.
Accepting children requires parents not only to affirm their children's strengths and achievements, but also to accept their children's shortcomings and deficiencies. Only when a child is affirmed, accepted, and recognized by his parents, when he is convinced that his parents truly love him, will he feel secure, thus laying a good foundation for building self-esteem.
The daughter of American educator Mrs. Stena, Vinevret, was a very assertive child by the age of five. One day, they went on an outing with some friends. Because it was spring, everyone wore light spring clothes, but Vinevret insisted on wearing her green coat because she thought it looked good.
Mrs. Stena said to her daughter: "It's not winter anymore, it's getting hot, and if you go out in a coat, it's going to be hard." But her daughter insisted. When we got to the play area, the other children were dressed in light clothes, except for Vinivlet, who was sweating profusely in a thick coat. She noticed that the other children were looking at her strangely and tried to find an excuse to leave. At this time, Mrs. Stena took out the spring clothes that had been prepared for a long time and helped her daughter put it on. She protected her self-esteem by saving her daughter from embarrassment without showing a trace. In this regard, Mrs. Stena said: "If I don't bring my daughter spring clothes that day, but let her endure the discomfort caused by wearing too thick, and other children's strange eyes on her, or in front of everyone. Laughing at her will definitely hurt her self-esteem."
Conversely, if parents don't accept their children, it hurts their children's self-esteem. The three-year-old was playing a game of "race" with several four-year-olds, always falling behind because of the younger. Despite this, he didn't care and still had a good time with his friends. But Yueyue's mother looked angry, and she started to scold her son: "Why are you so stupid, you can't run away." She scolded and dragged him home. Weeping more and more reluctantly. Yueyue's mother didn't realize that when her son was racing with his friends, he didn't care about the result of the game, but was enjoying the joy brought by the game; she also didn't realize that it was not his son who was stupid and ran at the end. It was because he was younger than the other children; she didn't realize it, just because she couldn't accept the fact that he ran at the end, scolding her son hurt his self-esteem.
Secondly, parents should encourage their children to try boldly and experience success in doing things.
If children can do things independently and experience success in the process of doing things, they will have confidence in their own abilities, form a positive self-evaluation, and improve their self-esteem. Therefore, parents should let go in time and let their children do things independently. If parents take care of everything, they will not only make children develop lazy habits, but also make children doubt their own abilities, thus affecting the formation of self-esteem. What parents ask their children to do should neither be too difficult nor too easy. The degree of difficulty should be that the child can accomplish through hard work.
The famous educator Mr. Chen Heqin asked him to send a letter to his teacher when his son Yiming was two years old and eleven months old (the teacher lives two hundred yards away from their house). Chen Heqin was far away. Look behind. At first I knocked on Mr.'s front door a few times, but because there was no answer from the inside, he turned around as soon as he rang. Seeing him coming back, Chen Heqin ran over to him and said, "Go to the back door." He went to the back door. Saw someone at home and handed the letter to him. In this regard, Chen Heqin said: "If what is done is too easy, then the child will be unhappy to do it, secondly, will not be aggressive, and thirdly think that his parents underestimate him and ask him to do such an easy thing, I am afraid that he will have to do it. On the contrary, if the parent asks him to do something that is too difficult, then the child will not dare to do it because of the difficulty, and secondly, he will think that his parents are abusing him and ask him to do such a difficult thing, and he will resent his parents in the future. Therefore, as a parent, it should not be too easy or too difficult for a child to do things, but let him do what he can do.”
My son likes to watch me cook since he was a child. When he was two or three years old, when I was cooking, I asked him to do simple tasks for me, such as peeling garlic and stirring egg mixture. When he was four or five years old, I asked him to help me with some difficult tasks, such as choosing vegetables, washing vegetables, peeling potatoes, etc. When he was six or seven years old, he could cook simple meals with my help, such as fried eggs, boiled noodles, etc. According to my son's age, I let him do some cooking-related tasks from easy to difficult, which not only made him more and more interested in cooking, but also made him more and more interested in his ability to cook. great confidence.
Thirdly, parents should be good at discovering the strengths and strengths of their children and give positive evaluations.
Parents should appreciate their children from the bottom of their hearts, discover their advantages and strengths, and affirm and appreciate them, so that the children will have a positive psychological experience, and their hearts will be filled with beautiful and pleasant feelings. Over time, the positive evaluation of parents will be internalized into the child's self-evaluation, so that the child will form a good self-image and gradually enhance self-esteem.
My son showed a love for drawing at an early age. He often picked up a paintbrush and kept drawing. He is very focused when he paints, can sit there alone and paint for a long time, and his paintings are very novel and show a rich imagination. After discovering my son's interest in painting, I consciously paid attention to his paintings, often admired his paintings, and gave appropriate praise and encouragement. My son's interest in painting became stronger and stronger. His work was hung on the wall with my encouragement. The cartoons—Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Crayon Shin-chan, Detective Conan... with different expressions, playful and cute, all show his son's love for beautiful things and his artistic taste.
Finally, parents should use criticism and punishment sparingly to protect their children's self-esteem.
If parents pay too much attention to their children's shortcomings and deficiencies, and criticize and punish their children at every turn, it will cause the children to have a negative psychological experience, which will lead to self-denial and self-depreciation. Over time, the child develops a negative self-image and a lower level of self-esteem. Therefore, parents should use criticism and punishment sparingly and cautiously. If children make mistakes, they must be criticized and punished, and they must also pay attention to skills and methods, so as not to hurt their children's self-esteem.
My son was brought up by my parents since he was a child. His grandparents dote on him very much, and he also has deep feelings for his grandparents. However, as his son got older, he became more and more impatient with the care of his grandparents as nagging.
One day, our whole family was having dinner together. In the face of grandma's greetings, my son responded impatiently, but grandma still responded with a tolerant smile and soft words. Faced with this scene, we did not say anything.
After coming out of my parents' house, we said to our son very seriously: "You did something wrong just now, how could you treat your grandma with such an attitude? Although grandma doesn't talk about you, does she feel better? ? Respecting your elders is the most basic courtesy, let alone your grandma who cares and takes care of you?"
The son lowered his head silently, his heart must have been touched. After that, the son never showed any disrespectful words or deeds to his grandparents. If we criticize the child in public that day, it will not only destroy the atmosphere of family life, but also hurt the self-esteem of the son. Mr. Chen Heqin believes that children should not be punished in front of others. He said: "No matter adults or children, they have a heart of shame...Most children especially like to take care of their face. If a parent scolds him in front of others, He thought he was so humiliated that he would resent his parents."
The former Soviet Union educator Suhomlinsky said: "The dignity of children is the most sensitive corner of the human soul, and protecting children's self-esteem is the potential strength of protecting children." If parents can hold a heart of understanding and respect , Careful care, and careful cultivation, then the child will develop true self-esteem and give full play to his potential.